Published Mon Oct 23 2023
As a dating coach, I've had the privilege of consulting men to build and nurture strong, lasting relationships. Also, I've been in a relationship with my wife for about 6 years and every year I learn something new that I need to work on and improve, to make my relationship healthier and stronger.
Over the years, I've come to understand that maintaining a healthy partnership is an ongoing journey that requires the development of certain skills. In this article, I'll share 9 essential skills that can help you and your partner strengthen your connection and keep your relationship thriving so that you can live a happy and more fulfilled life with your life partner.
1. Effective Communication
I cannot tell you how many men I have worked with who told me that when they got married to their partner. They never had fights, never got mad at each other, and never talked about their feelings causing them to get to the tipping point and get divorced. I always asked them, “Did you guys ever get into fights?” And my clients would often say no and then they asked me the same thing, “What about you?”
I tell them that one of the things my wife and I are good at is telling each other how we feel even though sometimes that can lead to an argument. Every time we do this, we both get on the same page, put each other in each other's shoes, and explain what we are feeling. Then we conclude on how we can make it better or what we need to do to improve and then our relationship becomes healthier and much stronger.
After I tell that to my clients, they always say, “Man I wish I would have told my ex- wife what she was doing that made me mad or upset. Instead, I just let it sweep under the rug and the problems just kept getting worse and worse until I just freaked out one day and then we got divorced. I had so much resentment that I couldn't bear it anymore.” Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. It means more than just talking; it's about expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly and respectfully.
Instead of resorting to a more passive-aggressive approach, be open and candid with your partner. Even if you guys don't ever fight, it's still important to ask your partner something like this: “Hey, this is random but I love you and I want our relationship to always be good and healthy. Is there anything that I'm doing that is making you mad or makes you upset in any way? I want to know. Tell me” and then just shut up and listen.
Put some imaginary tape over your mouth lol. Maybe there are things your partner is building resentment on and resentment in itself has caused so much destruction in relationships. And perhaps if your partner is very caring she will say what she feels and then ask you the same question about her and you tell her the truth. If she doesn't ask, you say it.
2. Quality Time
In our busy lives working long hours on our computers or just in our workplace, it's easy to overlook the importance of quality time with our partners. Set aside dedicated moments for each other, free from distractions. Whether it's a romantic date night or a quiet evening at home, these moments help deepen your connection and keep the spark alive. Jordan Peterson says: “Have at least one date night per week.”
One of the things I have been doing with my partner after work is instead of always having dinner and watching a season of love is blind on netflix, some nights we turn the tv off and just talk to each other without any digital devices and we put our phones in another room so that way we can truly be present. Even if it’s only for a little bit before we go to bed, that is a huge thing. We also read books to each other before we go to bed sometimes and talk about it and have deeper fun based conversations.
3. Setting Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are crucial in any relationship. They define where your needs and limits lie. If you don’t set any boundaries, there will be resentment that builds up over time and this can destroy your relationship with your partner so it’s super important to set healthy boundaries and respect each other's boundaries. If you never do, you guys will be doing something together and you will not be there presently. You will be thinking more about something else that you want to do and your partner will feel it.
4. Consistent Appreciation
This one is HUGE. Never underestimate the power of praise. Regularly express your appreciation for your partner. Compliments, gratitude, and acknowledgment of their efforts go a long way in making them feel valued and loved. In the book: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, he talks about how men grow by challenges and women grow by praise.
He says “praise is literal food for feminine qualities.” Working with a lot of tech professionals, I've noticed that sometimes they are not good at praising their women. They think of it more from a logical standpoint. “I’m the provider and I’m supporting her by taking care of her and paying for everything. She should know that I love her” This is not a good way to think. We should still show our love for them and understand their love languages to maintain a healthy and loving relationship.
5. Physical Intimacy and Passion
Physical intimacy is an integral part of a romantic relationship. Keep the passion alive by nurturing your physical connection. Explore each other's desires and fantasies, and prioritize physical affection to maintain the spark between you. Always keep it fun and never be spoiled by live role- playing with your partner. Women’s love language is words and language. Why do you think books like 50 shades of gray are super popular amongst women?
It’s because they fantasize with their minds. It’s how they get turned on. For men, it’s the opposite; visual, and that's why so many men are addicted to porn. The big mistake here is just being logical: An example that illustrates my point is: let’s for example say you are done with work, you're at home and then you and your wife eat dinner and then you go from dinner to just wanting to have sex with her. Well, chances are she’s probably tired and also has a lot of thoughts in her head for her to just automatically flip a switch like us men and get into it. We have to be romantic and seductive to get her feelings turned on. Women are not a light switch, men are lol.
6. Understanding Love Languages
Every individual has a unique love language, a way they express and receive love. Take the time to understand each other's love languages and make an effort to display those things to each other. Whether it's acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, or receiving gifts, showing love in the way your partner understands is key to a fulfilling relationship. A good book I recommend is called the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman.
7. Discussing Future Plans and Goals
A strong relationship is built on shared visions for the future. Spend time discussing your aspirations, dreams, and goals as a couple. In the Bible it says” Without a vision, the people perish.” This not only strengthens your bond but also ensures you're moving forward in the same direction.
I would say one thing that has made my relationship stronger with my wife is we share the same value in God and have put God into our life and relationship. I know that a lot of men do not believe in God but being a Christian with my wife, it has just made our relationship so much stronger and we pray together and go to church together. I like what Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” Couples who pray together stay together.
8. Encouraging Self-Care and Self-Improvement
Support each other in self-care and personal growth. Encourage your partner to pursue their interests and hobbies, and take time for self-improvement. As you both grow individually, your relationship will continue to evolve positively. Not everything you do, your partner needs to also do or love. But they need to understand what hobbies/interests you like to do in your free time and set a time in your calendar to do those things so that way you guys can both be happy and come back to each other and talk about it.
9. Continuous Learning About Relationships
Relationships are dynamic and ever-changing. Invest time in studying relationships, seeking advice, and adding new tools to your relationship toolkit. The more you understand the intricacies of human connection, the better equipped you'll be to navigate the challenges that arise. People always talk about AI, how to make more money, sports etc, but never take much time to study on how to improve their relationships.
If you are like me and want to be in a loving relationship with your partner for the rest of your life. There needs to be some time spent on studying this or getting help from others before the relationship goes on a downward spiral to divorce.
Maintaining a strong and healthy relationship is an ongoing process that requires effort, patience, and the development of essential skills. By honing your communication, setting boundaries, and nurturing your connection, you can create a fulfilling partnership that stands the test of time. If you are in a place in your life where you want to Foster or rekindle love and passion in a committed relationship to make it stronger and want me to personally help you. Send me a DM and we will set up a FREE consultation call.
To end this article I like to do it by one of my favorite sayings: